Australian Tourist Crushed by Falling Sarcophagus

Paris, FRANCE - A young Australian tourist has been killed in Paris' Louvre museum, during a shattering chain of random historical-artefact-collapsings. The woman, whom investigators say has not yet been publicly identified, was crushed by a falling New Kingdom sarcophagus, dated to the mid-18th dynasty, approximated to the reign of Thutmosis III, in the Ancient Egyptian section of the museum's Sully Wing. Late this morning, a spokesperson for the museum formally announced that this is the first time such an event has happened in the Louvre's history, and the last time it will be allowed to happen. However, theNewJuice can exclusively say that this is only one in a chain of similar events, all part of a new and absurd phenomenon tentatively called 'HAHARs' - historical artifact hit-and-runs - which experts believe has already claimed as many as 200 lives in the last century. Accordingly, HAHARs are believed by some to be the next phase of an ever-evolving global terrorism, with fears that casualties may escalate as political tension between the East and West heightens. But as yet, no specific organisation has taken responsibility for this tragedy.